fuck

fiseebilillah:

I think the scariest thing in this world is you never know someone’s true intentions with you

(via extihnction)

something that I always hated about myself was that I care way too much. I care too much about what others think of me, I care too much about what I’m wearing, how I’m doing in school, what people I don’t know at all think of me. then you came along, I had finally found a thing that it was okay to care so much about, because you cared about me just as much. we did everything together, you were my favorite person to be around you told me everything about yourself and I loved it, our late night talks where we talked til 3 in the morning or our dinner dates. you were like a sister to me. I finally had a friend I trusted and actually wanted to be around. but then something happened, you stopped going places with me, you stopped talking about how you actually felt, you stopped telling me the truth, you ignored me when others were around. I felt awful, like a piece of me died, but you acted like nothing was happening, you didn’t see that I was crumbling, worst of all you didn’t care. suddenly I thought back to the times when we had our late night talks, they were all about him, all our dinner dates we talked about him, everything went back to him. now, since you have to be over it, you moved on to someone else. it was never about me, it was always him and always will be. you ruined me, you fucking killed me and you don’t give a shit. you never cared the way I did, so stop acting like you do.

today I sat in the shower and I thought, I thought about the way you spoke about me and the way you spoke about him and I realized which one was more important to you. I thought back to that time on the beach when we were talking and you were talking to me about something that made you happy, and obviously seeing you smile filled me with joy. then as I thought about it more I realized something. you weren’t talking to me, you were talking to him, you wanted to know what he had to say. I was wrong, I was so wrong about you. I was sure about it, I was sure I was something to you. I was wrong. I wanted to be right, I wanted to prove him wrong, but I couldn’t.

I thought you were my person, obviously, you never felt the same